Pot growers are now terrorists
July 17th 2007 02:48
We can all breathe safely now, people. We've finally created a totally safe country now. The United States of America has finally come up with a way to deal with those horrible marijuana growers in California. They are now terrorists.
Unfortunately, I had to read this information on BoingBoing, a hive of wretched liberal left-wing hippies. When will the Washington Post print this truly joyful news?
I can't even go one block in California without tripping over some illegal marijuana bush, usually growing from soil fertilized with the bodies of fetuses. And pornography.
That's right. The left is selling weed grown from dead babies and pictures of fornicating women. And they want us to get out of Iraq! Preposterous! Bwa ha ha!
It's only by killing terrorists in Iraq can we finally win the war on terror. Of course, those dog-gone-it terrorists have started up marijuana farms in our own land of the brave. We will fight you in your 'weed' fields, in your underground cafes, at your folk music festivals. We will not sleep until appease our neverending hunger for human brains - whoop! Ha ha, of course we wouldn't do that! mebbe with a little mustard...
Our Knight Supremus in this Holy War on Drugs is lead by His Honorable Sir John P. Walters (titles given by me), Director of National Drug Control Policy. It's under his benevolent gaze that the august bodies of the DEA and the California National Guard are able to drop from Black Hawk helicopters to raid these terrorist farms.
The expense? Pshaw... it's trivial. It's totally worth it to send fleets of helicopters to drop special forces soldiers into marijuana farms. Besides, we make a percentage of it back by selling all the Bob Marley CDs we confiscate at the San Fran flea markets.
Sure, it costs a lot of money, but how can you put a price on the safety of our children?
Raise taxes? Er, no... that's not a good idea. How about we trim the fat from our health care system instead? I'm sure closing down a wing of some inner city hospitals will do the trick. I'm sure most Americans have private health cover anyway.
I'm sure those immigrant families will gladly have their babies in their apartments in exchange for the knowledge that the street will be removed of this vile weed, and the terrorists that it supports.
*this image taken from the ASM website
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Comment by Brenton
Dr Spin
Tales From The Other Side
Blip Blog
Gadget Museum
You can mock it now Cibby, but you won't be lauging when a bunch of baked islamic extremists come into your kitchen and do away with the entire contents of your cupboard in five minutes.
Comment by Winston
Small Thoughts on Big Questions
Cibb, what else is there to say? Instead of legalizing and taxing a drug that causes about .0001% of the health problems that booze and cigs are responsible for, we'll just continue labeling it a "dangerous gateway narcotic" and throw away a few hundred billion dollars more on
nothingthe War onDrugsTerror. It's only money, right?Comment by Cibbuano
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Winston, there's always more money. Especially when you can declare war on something: Terror, Drugs, Snide Comments, Bad Mechanics, Poorly-fitting pants.
Comment by Kleonaptra
Kalikapsychosis
They target pot in sydney, now its near impossible to buy, and we are having the 'ice age' so we villify a lesser drug to let in the worst one? Yeah, that makes perfect sense!